Vulnerable

Clothe me Lord
Crown me Father
Here I am your daughter

They stare and wonder
But they cannot see the reason
Obedience to the Father

Clothe me Lord
Drape Your curtain
of Grace over me

I smile and converse
But they keep looking
Cover me, Hide

refresh me

Dear Lord.. can You make it rain in my soul? Let the flowers bloom again? I'm so tired Lord.. Been writing papers all day, but having to fight the impulse of writing to another. God!!! Restrain me! I need to trust you to care for those I love and leave them all to You. I hope they know I care Lord.. but why should that matter. Caring about people should be selfless, not seeking for gratitude. But I just want them to know that they are loved, you know, for their sakes... That they are not forgotten. Give me true strength Lord. To trust and obey, to trust and let God be God. Come hold me, Lord, in Your strength.

life must go on

sometimes ships come our way and we think they might dock. sometimes they stay for quite some time that we think they might dock AND stay. but when they set sail, and we cut the rope and let them go, we feel the space of seawater left. in the night, we see the white slice of the moon reflected on the surface, in the place of that most enchanting ship. most nights, we sit, stare at the crescent and wonder what's happened to the people on the wayfaring ship we've befriended. but we don't have that luxury night after night. lunches need to be cooked, papers need to be written, clothes need to washed and hung, dried and folded, put away. and the experiences we've had visiting the ship are now a memory in the past, whether we like it or not. and memories are just that. we visit them now and again but the time comes when we need to fold them up and put away. the time for hashing out the why's and wherefore's, the pro's and con's must come to an end. the time for fearing if the ship's caught in a storm, wishing it would be safe must stop for sanity's sake. the time for regretting we could have done more for the visitors on the ship must be put behind, and allow ourselves to be forgiven. and today's the day, i tell myself that i cannot take responsibility for everyone around me, especially if they are not in the here and now. for life must somehow go on... the memories of dancing on the ship, the brunches we've had together, the sharing of sunsets and sunrises don't have to be thrown away. we simply keep them in the folds of our hearts. we had changed while the ship was here. and hopefully we've brought cheer and inspiration to the visitors. but we cannot hang on to memories past, neither can we keep wishing for the ship to return because it has a course entirely different from yours. the thing is, that the ship belongs to the wide, wide sea and you belong to land, earth and sky.

A Prayer

his sobbing
it was quiet
tried to hide
i heard and though
i seemed strong
i was sobbing
inside

i can't do this again Lord
please spare me the pain
of having to end.
i know it wasn't you
i put myself through
but now, in obedience i stand.

my tongue pressed to my teeth
my lips pressed together
now words escape me
silence's a friend

my thoughts fly three states down
is he sitting in his chair
is he speaking with another
beauty comforts
i don't blame him

my heart's not broken
just bound,
now rough
layers, of white gauze,
the bleeding must stop
life's draining out

time, time, time
in time.. he will heal
God's not dead
His hand's not short
He can reach and hold
What i never knew nor touched

i look to you Lord
scoop up in Your arms
Your child, till he heals
Walk in Your will
Grown into a son
who knows His Father

Protect him please
Forgive me please
Sing over him
Bless him, love on him
i know not another to ask

heal and cleanse
let it not grow yellow
keep my heart red with kindness
not black gangrene with dead hope

one day, Lord,
surprise me with joy.

Letting Go..

What is this I feel
undescribed, words unspelled, unwhispered
A loss, no.. i never had
it was mist in my hand
a mirage i could not drink from

Confusion.. no
just silence inside
the heart that once danced
silenced
the music continues around
but my feet cannot move
have i lost my steps
no.. i forget

What is this that I feel Lord
the counting doesn't stop
how many more till
till i stop and say yes..
this one.

a rainless sky
yet cold
a leafless tree
yet i stand
i must live
though i do not see
colours are now painted bland
whitewashed
how do i describe

i live yet, don't i?
grateful, yes
grace covered me
my heart feels naked still
tearless sealed inside

time to look up, heart
hope lives in darkness
light does not dawn
while hope is alive
for when the sun appears on high
we see evidence of the substance
hoped for
loss in the past
gift in tomorrow's present

saturday mornin..

mmmm... delicious saturday mornin.. so thankful to be able to catch breakfast at the cafeteria on time. it's nice to know there's one thing for sure - cheerios and soy milk! :) bet the boys will balk at the mention of soy milk! so good to lay in a bit today. it's been a mad dash all week. I'm missing you Lordie.. Lord.. where are you taking me today? Help me return to my first love for you again.. Lord.. give me the strength to follow you wholeheartedly, one day at a time. Start today Lord... and oh ya.. thank you for the sun and the beautiful yellow red leaves around. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... :)