His Dreams

This is an essay I had to write for a class in PBC. Thought I should just post it. Enjoy!

God’s Purpose and My Response to the
Gift of Singleness

Dreams withheld stir up a whirl of emotions and reactions especially when we feel we have been promised them previously. Especially when we think we really, really need that dream to come true. Or that we deserve them. Otherwise, the world will be forced to witness grumpy acts of manipulation. Little kids scream and flail their arms till they get the Transformer Cyber Stompin Bumblebee they must have or they’ll morph into miniature stompers themselves. Little eaglets hold screeching matches, determined that Mrs. Eagle feed them fat, juicy, slurpy worms. NOW. And even children of God are never quite saintly enough to hold back from straining for the objects of our desire (Kaplan, 25 August 2007) and trust that our Father is never late and always mindful of our needs.
When marriage is held up as one of the top three must-haves, singlehood is rarely seen as a gift, (Baldwin, 2002) especially after the socially-determined expiry date of the roaring 30’s. And in a commune like PBC, girls start to worry if they are not kissed by 21, engaged by 24, married 6 months later, and be beautifully fat with babies by 27. So what do you do when you are 32 and still trying to stealthily glance at couples kissing, hoping to get some close and upfront lessons on Kissing 101? You smile, pray, hope, laugh at yourself and the young beautiful girls. You try to encourage them, come alongside them with prayerful understanding and live life to the fullest. You hope your life becomes an encouragement that it is possible to be bursting with life and cheerful hope even when others look at you suspiciously. But when the corners of your mouth start turning downwards, you go to Glenda and get a pow-wow prayer session to keep you going. It always works! (thank you!)
Being single is great if there wasn’t anyone around. Or if everyone got married at 45. Or if there wasn’t a particular hunk who somehow just makes you want to dress up , splash some make up on and drench yourself with French parfum enough to fill the English “Channel”. Life is freeing and fun with good friends around. Laughter abounds and time with God is uninrrupted and just heavenly. But we live among people, CURIOUS people who have good intentions and they just can’t leave you alone! And it doesn’t help when you are acutely aware of the expiring eggs, going to waste every month!
On good days, these thoughts are really ticklish. On days where we closet ourselves in prayer and wandering thoughts, we get real and honest with the storm of emotions within. Worry, self-doubt, and worst of all, anger. Sometimes you feel it welling up inside like the deadly undercurrent waves, rapidly displaced with the potential to generate a horrible outburst of discontentment. And in all that rage, you feel it directed towards yourself, your past and God.
Dealing with such raw emotions would put one through stages of growth. You go through rebellion, self-doubt, God-doubt, acceptance, self-doubt, faith in God, self-doubt, Great faith in God, self-doubt. You get the drift… But through it all, the lessons learnt are so precious. Each lesson adds an inch to the rod in your back. You learn that it is ok to be imperfect and it is God’s hand not your human imperfections that you find yourself in this season of life. God brings to mind your past and forces you to deal with the issues that keep you in fear. The kind of fear that makes you run whenever someone shows strong interest, and slam down barriers to mask the fondness inside. He gently teaches you that romantic relationships require a particular vulnerability that is dangerously different from the deep, healthy relationships with brothers and sisters of like minds which you currently have. And all this while, He does lessons as you use Him as your punching bag. He just takes the blows and when you crumple up, He holds you in great big arms saying, “Ï know, I know.”
This is also a season where God challenges your 20-something idealisms. You used to think that there is one, Miss or Mr. Perfect-For-You. Write down your 10 requirements and pray over it and then, poof, the church bells toll in your ears. Oh, you ardently preach “the right one for you does not have to be perfect, just perfect for you.” But previous encounters with flirtatious, unhappy married men, memories of unhappy mothers who mother their husbands, and the fateful day when dad walked out of the door with a woman 4 years older than yourself, keep you waiting for a hurt-proof partner. Then you think that when you keep yourself pure and running hard after God since you were a youth, He will surely give you the right person by 29 at the very least. The day when I witnessed a girl whose life was not the epitome of Christian chastity being blessed with a strong man of God who graciously loved her like Christ loves the Church, like Hosea’s God loved Israel through her harlotry, was the day when this idea crumbled into dust. Through God’s grace and the love of this godly man, she has transformed into a godly woman, beautiful and precious, impacting other women’s lives.
I have come to realize there are no formulas, no perfect personality to adorn yourself with to secure yourself the cream of the Christian crop. God does not work with Reward Mentalities. He works graciously, giving you blessings you can never deserve. I don’t think I could give the Sunday School answer that the one best thing I did in my single years was to serve God with utmost enthusiasm. My years of singlehood have been precious mainly because God was able to disclose attitudes and mindsets that I would have ignorantly stood up for had I gotten married earlier. I won’t be able to preach the message I used to believe in my idealistic years, that if we obey Him and keep our purity, we will guarantee ourselves the church-perfect man or woman by 28. Instead, my sharing will take this form: God is good and we obey Him just because we trust He knows that living for Him is what’s best for us and because we love Him, whether or not He gives us our particular desires, my style. Purity, is therefore our blessing from God, not so much our currency to buy ourselves a happy family. I would say, be honest with God and acknowledge the raging pain and self-doubt we feel because it is so absolutely normal. I would emphasise the caution of having faith for something but instead have faith in Someone. And then, serving comes out of a spirit of gratitude and responsibility, wanting to bless Him, instead of the hope to be rewarded with Ken Christian or Barbie Goodwill. For me, the best thing that’s come out of the many years of waiting is the process of intimate knowing and learning of the Divine Lover, coated with the precious substance called ‘contentment.’. Loving people becomes an intense endeavour when you have to make the effort to rise above the struggles so deeply felt, deny your own concerns and concentrate on the needs of others, while trusting One greater than yourself to care for your own needs of protection, being needed and wanted.
I am still learning that precious lesson that I lack no good thing in the Lord because I walk with His hands over mine. My one desperate prayer is that God will help me live my life productively so that I would waste my life so significantly for Him and His glory. My second prayer is that I will never lose hope. Not the hope that I will get married, but the hope in Him, His character and that He will never withhold what’s best for me. I remember the prayer I once said, “God, I want to live a really happy and fulfilled, joyful life before jumping into marriage”. So He always reminds me to have fun and enjoy my days. I have had to also learn that it honors Him when I have faith and speak positively that God will bless me with a man in His time, instead of being bashful about the whole topic. (I am shy though it seems hard for one to believe it!!) It all seems like a myriad of contradictions but ah, they say God has an Eastern mindset where yin exists with yang, black with white.
Dreams do come true after all. It may be different from what or how we expect it to all pan out. One thing is sure though, that in God’s stardust economy, dreams turn out to be better and greater than we can imagine. His one main purpose for the church and us as individuals is that we truly know His love for us and therefore, be transformed into the image of Christ (which means learning life lessons from the Master Teacher). The fulfillment of our dreams may or may not include marriage and the molding of lives to be more Christlike as we share a room and a bed with a beloved. Most times, these dreams turn out better simply because − they are His dreams for the yielded ones instead of their own.

Works Cited
1. Kaplan, Leah. “The Gift of Singlehood.” Aish.com 25 Aug. 2007.
http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/The_Gift_of_Singlehood.asp
2. Baldwin, Amelia A. “What Are You Doing with Your Singlehood.” Singlehood.org 2002.
http://www.webprofessor.org/website/singlehood/thegiftofsinglehood.html