This is one of my most-loved poem by a poet who describes universal truth with such honesty, simplicity and depth.
There is a shyness that we have
Only with those whom we most love.
Something it has to do also
With how we cannot bring to mind
A face whose every line we know.
O, love is kind, O, love is kind.
That there should still remain the first
Sweetness, also the later thirst -
This is why pain must play some part
In all true feelings that we find
And every shaking of the heart.
O, love is kind, O, love is kind.
And it is right that we should want
Discretion, secrecy,, no hint
Of what we share. Love which cries out,
And wants the world to understand,
Is love that holds itself in doubt.
For love is quiet, and love is kind.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Diraiton - "So They Say"
This is a beautiful piece of music, by a French composer Rainer Maria Rilke about roses.
Abandon entoure d'abandon, tendresse touchant aux tendresses.
C'est ton interieur qui sans cesse se caresse,
dirait, diraiton.
Se caresse en soimeme,
par son propre reflet eclaire.
Ainsi tu inventes le theme du Narcisse exauce.
The translation of the song describes the beauty of a rose,
Abandon surrounding abandon
Tenderness touching tenderness
Your oneness endlessly carreses itself so they say
Self carresing through its own clear reflection
and thus you invent the theme of Narcisse fulfilled
Abandon entoure d'abandon, tendresse touchant aux tendresses.
C'est ton interieur qui sans cesse se caresse,
dirait, diraiton.
Se caresse en soimeme,
par son propre reflet eclaire.
Ainsi tu inventes le theme du Narcisse exauce.
The translation of the song describes the beauty of a rose,
Abandon surrounding abandon
Tenderness touching tenderness
Your oneness endlessly carreses itself so they say
Self carresing through its own clear reflection
and thus you invent the theme of Narcisse fulfilled
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Agitations
This is one of my first poems when I was struggling to express what I felt but had no words for them. So it is a little bit intense. Uh-huh.. just a little!
Agitations of this spirit
Agitations to create
Agitations of wht insufficiency
The soul of art that would not awake
Aptly said young Keats who mourned
Pleading and puzzled at You who poem
Bards of passion and of mirth,
Reveal to me your secrets birth
Agitations of this spirit
Agitations to create
Agitated for what's out of reach
Yet empty so empty is my talent's crate.
Music escapes and leaves a stale
Mediocrity, the common scale
Philosophy mocks this ignorance
Depths of words begs abeyance
Rather than to be used
In moments of an amateur's peruse.
The waters of music
Reaches deep to overwhelming
But taste what's mine - like tumeric
Saffron balm yet not soul's suffering
Why do I not hold
the Ladle to scoop
Waves of emotions, hot or cold
Skill to blow the salty waters and bolt
Lightning to scourge
Till souls implore
"Halt"- the strength of music hurts
For beauty so deep stirs tears and blood!
Agitations of this spirit
Agitations to create
Agitations of wht insufficiency
The soul of art that would not awake
Aptly said young Keats who mourned
Pleading and puzzled at You who poem
Bards of passion and of mirth,
Reveal to me your secrets birth
Agitations of this spirit
Agitations to create
Agitated for what's out of reach
Yet empty so empty is my talent's crate.
Music escapes and leaves a stale
Mediocrity, the common scale
Philosophy mocks this ignorance
Depths of words begs abeyance
Rather than to be used
In moments of an amateur's peruse.
The waters of music
Reaches deep to overwhelming
But taste what's mine - like tumeric
Saffron balm yet not soul's suffering
Why do I not hold
the Ladle to scoop
Waves of emotions, hot or cold
Skill to blow the salty waters and bolt
Lightning to scourge
Till souls implore
"Halt"- the strength of music hurts
For beauty so deep stirs tears and blood!
This World and I
This world and I,
We don't fit somehow...
I am made for the world of fairies,
Of mushrooms and elven-high
little pixies, talking owls
Gee, this stomache ain't made for realities.
I am made of
The north and west poles
Not total dichotomy of order and chaos
Worse, I fear
Just haphazard genealogy.
Too truthful for any worldly ethos.
We don't fit somehow...
I am made for the world of fairies,
Of mushrooms and elven-high
little pixies, talking owls
Gee, this stomache ain't made for realities.
I am made of
The north and west poles
Not total dichotomy of order and chaos
Worse, I fear
Just haphazard genealogy.
Too truthful for any worldly ethos.
Wishful Thinking
Do you think if I jump
Jumo, JUMP high enough
I'd reach the heavens
Pop my head through
The golden streets
And say "Hello -
How do you do?"
Can you imagine
What Daddy would do
When He sees my head
Popping though
"You little girl,
Scared all My citizens!
Nonetheless, I'm awfully glad,
You popped by heaven!"
And then He'll wink
His great big eye
Sparkling with love, magic and twink
Then, ordering His angels to fly
Whizz me down
To earthly grounds
He wishes me, not goodbye
But soon to meet
On golden streets
'xcept I'll be on my feet!
When on this familiar earth
My heart sings and whistles
I saw my Jesus blink!
My toes smile saying
"We've touched ground, grassy green"
When all of a sudden, the singing stops
With one heavy realisation -
I forgot, to hug my Daddy God!
Jumo, JUMP high enough
I'd reach the heavens
Pop my head through
The golden streets
And say "Hello -
How do you do?"
Can you imagine
What Daddy would do
When He sees my head
Popping though
"You little girl,
Scared all My citizens!
Nonetheless, I'm awfully glad,
You popped by heaven!"
And then He'll wink
His great big eye
Sparkling with love, magic and twink
Then, ordering His angels to fly
Whizz me down
To earthly grounds
He wishes me, not goodbye
But soon to meet
On golden streets
'xcept I'll be on my feet!
When on this familiar earth
My heart sings and whistles
I saw my Jesus blink!
My toes smile saying
"We've touched ground, grassy green"
When all of a sudden, the singing stops
With one heavy realisation -
I forgot, to hug my Daddy God!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Old Poems
The next few entries (going upward) will be a collection of my old poems. They were written at an experimental phase of my literary endeavours. I laugh at them now when I read of how passionate I felt at the time I struggled to get the ideas out of my mind. Or rather - wrenching my heart for the emotions I felt but couldn't express. So here goes!
Saturday, August 25, 2007
His Dreams
This is an essay I had to write for a class in PBC. Thought I should just post it. Enjoy!
God’s Purpose and My Response to the
Gift of Singleness
Dreams withheld stir up a whirl of emotions and reactions especially when we feel we have been promised them previously. Especially when we think we really, really need that dream to come true. Or that we deserve them. Otherwise, the world will be forced to witness grumpy acts of manipulation. Little kids scream and flail their arms till they get the Transformer Cyber Stompin Bumblebee they must have or they’ll morph into miniature stompers themselves. Little eaglets hold screeching matches, determined that Mrs. Eagle feed them fat, juicy, slurpy worms. NOW. And even children of God are never quite saintly enough to hold back from straining for the objects of our desire (Kaplan, 25 August 2007) and trust that our Father is never late and always mindful of our needs.
When marriage is held up as one of the top three must-haves, singlehood is rarely seen as a gift, (Baldwin, 2002) especially after the socially-determined expiry date of the roaring 30’s. And in a commune like PBC, girls start to worry if they are not kissed by 21, engaged by 24, married 6 months later, and be beautifully fat with babies by 27. So what do you do when you are 32 and still trying to stealthily glance at couples kissing, hoping to get some close and upfront lessons on Kissing 101? You smile, pray, hope, laugh at yourself and the young beautiful girls. You try to encourage them, come alongside them with prayerful understanding and live life to the fullest. You hope your life becomes an encouragement that it is possible to be bursting with life and cheerful hope even when others look at you suspiciously. But when the corners of your mouth start turning downwards, you go to Glenda and get a pow-wow prayer session to keep you going. It always works! (thank you!)
Being single is great if there wasn’t anyone around. Or if everyone got married at 45. Or if there wasn’t a particular hunk who somehow just makes you want to dress up , splash some make up on and drench yourself with French parfum enough to fill the English “Channel”. Life is freeing and fun with good friends around. Laughter abounds and time with God is uninrrupted and just heavenly. But we live among people, CURIOUS people who have good intentions and they just can’t leave you alone! And it doesn’t help when you are acutely aware of the expiring eggs, going to waste every month!
On good days, these thoughts are really ticklish. On days where we closet ourselves in prayer and wandering thoughts, we get real and honest with the storm of emotions within. Worry, self-doubt, and worst of all, anger. Sometimes you feel it welling up inside like the deadly undercurrent waves, rapidly displaced with the potential to generate a horrible outburst of discontentment. And in all that rage, you feel it directed towards yourself, your past and God.
Dealing with such raw emotions would put one through stages of growth. You go through rebellion, self-doubt, God-doubt, acceptance, self-doubt, faith in God, self-doubt, Great faith in God, self-doubt. You get the drift… But through it all, the lessons learnt are so precious. Each lesson adds an inch to the rod in your back. You learn that it is ok to be imperfect and it is God’s hand not your human imperfections that you find yourself in this season of life. God brings to mind your past and forces you to deal with the issues that keep you in fear. The kind of fear that makes you run whenever someone shows strong interest, and slam down barriers to mask the fondness inside. He gently teaches you that romantic relationships require a particular vulnerability that is dangerously different from the deep, healthy relationships with brothers and sisters of like minds which you currently have. And all this while, He does lessons as you use Him as your punching bag. He just takes the blows and when you crumple up, He holds you in great big arms saying, “Ï know, I know.”
This is also a season where God challenges your 20-something idealisms. You used to think that there is one, Miss or Mr. Perfect-For-You. Write down your 10 requirements and pray over it and then, poof, the church bells toll in your ears. Oh, you ardently preach “the right one for you does not have to be perfect, just perfect for you.” But previous encounters with flirtatious, unhappy married men, memories of unhappy mothers who mother their husbands, and the fateful day when dad walked out of the door with a woman 4 years older than yourself, keep you waiting for a hurt-proof partner. Then you think that when you keep yourself pure and running hard after God since you were a youth, He will surely give you the right person by 29 at the very least. The day when I witnessed a girl whose life was not the epitome of Christian chastity being blessed with a strong man of God who graciously loved her like Christ loves the Church, like Hosea’s God loved Israel through her harlotry, was the day when this idea crumbled into dust. Through God’s grace and the love of this godly man, she has transformed into a godly woman, beautiful and precious, impacting other women’s lives.
I have come to realize there are no formulas, no perfect personality to adorn yourself with to secure yourself the cream of the Christian crop. God does not work with Reward Mentalities. He works graciously, giving you blessings you can never deserve. I don’t think I could give the Sunday School answer that the one best thing I did in my single years was to serve God with utmost enthusiasm. My years of singlehood have been precious mainly because God was able to disclose attitudes and mindsets that I would have ignorantly stood up for had I gotten married earlier. I won’t be able to preach the message I used to believe in my idealistic years, that if we obey Him and keep our purity, we will guarantee ourselves the church-perfect man or woman by 28. Instead, my sharing will take this form: God is good and we obey Him just because we trust He knows that living for Him is what’s best for us and because we love Him, whether or not He gives us our particular desires, my style. Purity, is therefore our blessing from God, not so much our currency to buy ourselves a happy family. I would say, be honest with God and acknowledge the raging pain and self-doubt we feel because it is so absolutely normal. I would emphasise the caution of having faith for something but instead have faith in Someone. And then, serving comes out of a spirit of gratitude and responsibility, wanting to bless Him, instead of the hope to be rewarded with Ken Christian or Barbie Goodwill. For me, the best thing that’s come out of the many years of waiting is the process of intimate knowing and learning of the Divine Lover, coated with the precious substance called ‘contentment.’. Loving people becomes an intense endeavour when you have to make the effort to rise above the struggles so deeply felt, deny your own concerns and concentrate on the needs of others, while trusting One greater than yourself to care for your own needs of protection, being needed and wanted.
I am still learning that precious lesson that I lack no good thing in the Lord because I walk with His hands over mine. My one desperate prayer is that God will help me live my life productively so that I would waste my life so significantly for Him and His glory. My second prayer is that I will never lose hope. Not the hope that I will get married, but the hope in Him, His character and that He will never withhold what’s best for me. I remember the prayer I once said, “God, I want to live a really happy and fulfilled, joyful life before jumping into marriage”. So He always reminds me to have fun and enjoy my days. I have had to also learn that it honors Him when I have faith and speak positively that God will bless me with a man in His time, instead of being bashful about the whole topic. (I am shy though it seems hard for one to believe it!!) It all seems like a myriad of contradictions but ah, they say God has an Eastern mindset where yin exists with yang, black with white.
Dreams do come true after all. It may be different from what or how we expect it to all pan out. One thing is sure though, that in God’s stardust economy, dreams turn out to be better and greater than we can imagine. His one main purpose for the church and us as individuals is that we truly know His love for us and therefore, be transformed into the image of Christ (which means learning life lessons from the Master Teacher). The fulfillment of our dreams may or may not include marriage and the molding of lives to be more Christlike as we share a room and a bed with a beloved. Most times, these dreams turn out better simply because − they are His dreams for the yielded ones instead of their own.
Works Cited
1. Kaplan, Leah. “The Gift of Singlehood.” Aish.com 25 Aug. 2007.
http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/The_Gift_of_Singlehood.asp
2. Baldwin, Amelia A. “What Are You Doing with Your Singlehood.” Singlehood.org 2002.
http://www.webprofessor.org/website/singlehood/thegiftofsinglehood.html
God’s Purpose and My Response to the
Gift of Singleness
Dreams withheld stir up a whirl of emotions and reactions especially when we feel we have been promised them previously. Especially when we think we really, really need that dream to come true. Or that we deserve them. Otherwise, the world will be forced to witness grumpy acts of manipulation. Little kids scream and flail their arms till they get the Transformer Cyber Stompin Bumblebee they must have or they’ll morph into miniature stompers themselves. Little eaglets hold screeching matches, determined that Mrs. Eagle feed them fat, juicy, slurpy worms. NOW. And even children of God are never quite saintly enough to hold back from straining for the objects of our desire (Kaplan, 25 August 2007) and trust that our Father is never late and always mindful of our needs.
When marriage is held up as one of the top three must-haves, singlehood is rarely seen as a gift, (Baldwin, 2002) especially after the socially-determined expiry date of the roaring 30’s. And in a commune like PBC, girls start to worry if they are not kissed by 21, engaged by 24, married 6 months later, and be beautifully fat with babies by 27. So what do you do when you are 32 and still trying to stealthily glance at couples kissing, hoping to get some close and upfront lessons on Kissing 101? You smile, pray, hope, laugh at yourself and the young beautiful girls. You try to encourage them, come alongside them with prayerful understanding and live life to the fullest. You hope your life becomes an encouragement that it is possible to be bursting with life and cheerful hope even when others look at you suspiciously. But when the corners of your mouth start turning downwards, you go to Glenda and get a pow-wow prayer session to keep you going. It always works! (thank you!)
Being single is great if there wasn’t anyone around. Or if everyone got married at 45. Or if there wasn’t a particular hunk who somehow just makes you want to dress up , splash some make up on and drench yourself with French parfum enough to fill the English “Channel”. Life is freeing and fun with good friends around. Laughter abounds and time with God is uninrrupted and just heavenly. But we live among people, CURIOUS people who have good intentions and they just can’t leave you alone! And it doesn’t help when you are acutely aware of the expiring eggs, going to waste every month!
On good days, these thoughts are really ticklish. On days where we closet ourselves in prayer and wandering thoughts, we get real and honest with the storm of emotions within. Worry, self-doubt, and worst of all, anger. Sometimes you feel it welling up inside like the deadly undercurrent waves, rapidly displaced with the potential to generate a horrible outburst of discontentment. And in all that rage, you feel it directed towards yourself, your past and God.
Dealing with such raw emotions would put one through stages of growth. You go through rebellion, self-doubt, God-doubt, acceptance, self-doubt, faith in God, self-doubt, Great faith in God, self-doubt. You get the drift… But through it all, the lessons learnt are so precious. Each lesson adds an inch to the rod in your back. You learn that it is ok to be imperfect and it is God’s hand not your human imperfections that you find yourself in this season of life. God brings to mind your past and forces you to deal with the issues that keep you in fear. The kind of fear that makes you run whenever someone shows strong interest, and slam down barriers to mask the fondness inside. He gently teaches you that romantic relationships require a particular vulnerability that is dangerously different from the deep, healthy relationships with brothers and sisters of like minds which you currently have. And all this while, He does lessons as you use Him as your punching bag. He just takes the blows and when you crumple up, He holds you in great big arms saying, “Ï know, I know.”
This is also a season where God challenges your 20-something idealisms. You used to think that there is one, Miss or Mr. Perfect-For-You. Write down your 10 requirements and pray over it and then, poof, the church bells toll in your ears. Oh, you ardently preach “the right one for you does not have to be perfect, just perfect for you.” But previous encounters with flirtatious, unhappy married men, memories of unhappy mothers who mother their husbands, and the fateful day when dad walked out of the door with a woman 4 years older than yourself, keep you waiting for a hurt-proof partner. Then you think that when you keep yourself pure and running hard after God since you were a youth, He will surely give you the right person by 29 at the very least. The day when I witnessed a girl whose life was not the epitome of Christian chastity being blessed with a strong man of God who graciously loved her like Christ loves the Church, like Hosea’s God loved Israel through her harlotry, was the day when this idea crumbled into dust. Through God’s grace and the love of this godly man, she has transformed into a godly woman, beautiful and precious, impacting other women’s lives.
I have come to realize there are no formulas, no perfect personality to adorn yourself with to secure yourself the cream of the Christian crop. God does not work with Reward Mentalities. He works graciously, giving you blessings you can never deserve. I don’t think I could give the Sunday School answer that the one best thing I did in my single years was to serve God with utmost enthusiasm. My years of singlehood have been precious mainly because God was able to disclose attitudes and mindsets that I would have ignorantly stood up for had I gotten married earlier. I won’t be able to preach the message I used to believe in my idealistic years, that if we obey Him and keep our purity, we will guarantee ourselves the church-perfect man or woman by 28. Instead, my sharing will take this form: God is good and we obey Him just because we trust He knows that living for Him is what’s best for us and because we love Him, whether or not He gives us our particular desires, my style. Purity, is therefore our blessing from God, not so much our currency to buy ourselves a happy family. I would say, be honest with God and acknowledge the raging pain and self-doubt we feel because it is so absolutely normal. I would emphasise the caution of having faith for something but instead have faith in Someone. And then, serving comes out of a spirit of gratitude and responsibility, wanting to bless Him, instead of the hope to be rewarded with Ken Christian or Barbie Goodwill. For me, the best thing that’s come out of the many years of waiting is the process of intimate knowing and learning of the Divine Lover, coated with the precious substance called ‘contentment.’. Loving people becomes an intense endeavour when you have to make the effort to rise above the struggles so deeply felt, deny your own concerns and concentrate on the needs of others, while trusting One greater than yourself to care for your own needs of protection, being needed and wanted.
I am still learning that precious lesson that I lack no good thing in the Lord because I walk with His hands over mine. My one desperate prayer is that God will help me live my life productively so that I would waste my life so significantly for Him and His glory. My second prayer is that I will never lose hope. Not the hope that I will get married, but the hope in Him, His character and that He will never withhold what’s best for me. I remember the prayer I once said, “God, I want to live a really happy and fulfilled, joyful life before jumping into marriage”. So He always reminds me to have fun and enjoy my days. I have had to also learn that it honors Him when I have faith and speak positively that God will bless me with a man in His time, instead of being bashful about the whole topic. (I am shy though it seems hard for one to believe it!!) It all seems like a myriad of contradictions but ah, they say God has an Eastern mindset where yin exists with yang, black with white.
Dreams do come true after all. It may be different from what or how we expect it to all pan out. One thing is sure though, that in God’s stardust economy, dreams turn out to be better and greater than we can imagine. His one main purpose for the church and us as individuals is that we truly know His love for us and therefore, be transformed into the image of Christ (which means learning life lessons from the Master Teacher). The fulfillment of our dreams may or may not include marriage and the molding of lives to be more Christlike as we share a room and a bed with a beloved. Most times, these dreams turn out better simply because − they are His dreams for the yielded ones instead of their own.
Works Cited
1. Kaplan, Leah. “The Gift of Singlehood.” Aish.com 25 Aug. 2007.
http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/The_Gift_of_Singlehood.asp
2. Baldwin, Amelia A. “What Are You Doing with Your Singlehood.” Singlehood.org 2002.
http://www.webprofessor.org/website/singlehood/thegiftofsinglehood.html
Monday, July 16, 2007
New York! New Yorrrrrrrrrrk!
Day 1 (16 July 2007) 10:27pm
So I am finally here! On my way to my sis' wedding in Amsterdam. Just got here in Newark Int Airport and now staying a night in a Travelodge run by an Indian family. It's got the same jasmine fragrance like the lowers the Indian ladies back home would adorn their pigtails with. And I am excited. The last two weeks have been crrrrrazy! The year has been quite an eventful one too with the deaths of so many of my precious loved ones. Seems like I need to refresh my heart not just with new scenes but a new experience with the Lord. And so........... we decided to take a trip round Europe together! :)
Yup... My prayer for this trip (other than God help! or "Protect me!!!," as walk down the streets on my own) is that I will fall in love with Jesus more and more again. I so need His renewed strength and touch. Paulus took me to the airport today and prayed that God will refresh my heart so that I can continue to be a blessing to others. Very apt reminder! I spent a whole day yesterday thinking about matching my outfits when trying to pack. You know me! "Vainpot!", as Malaysians would call me! God definitely brought my mind and priority back to the matter of the heart and not just the appearance. Back to my Redeemer and Friend, not just the God I try to keep rituals with.
So my first real stop will be in Bognor Regis.. Good old Bognor! I will be visiting the pebbly beach I use to walk on every other day and reminisce the days when I first really met Him. 21 and young, vulnerable and verrrrry gullible. Innocent and totally guiless. I remember turning 21 and celebrating my birthday on that beach with the Lord. Now I will walk and talk with Him on the very same beach, 11 years later. It's almost like a second honeymoon!
ANd I actually own a camera now. So hopefully I will get to post as many pic as possible and come close to being a normal, updated 21st Cent person with all the Friendster and all going on in the world (especially in PBC!)
So I am finally here! On my way to my sis' wedding in Amsterdam. Just got here in Newark Int Airport and now staying a night in a Travelodge run by an Indian family. It's got the same jasmine fragrance like the lowers the Indian ladies back home would adorn their pigtails with. And I am excited. The last two weeks have been crrrrrazy! The year has been quite an eventful one too with the deaths of so many of my precious loved ones. Seems like I need to refresh my heart not just with new scenes but a new experience with the Lord. And so........... we decided to take a trip round Europe together! :)
Yup... My prayer for this trip (other than God help! or "Protect me!!!," as walk down the streets on my own) is that I will fall in love with Jesus more and more again. I so need His renewed strength and touch. Paulus took me to the airport today and prayed that God will refresh my heart so that I can continue to be a blessing to others. Very apt reminder! I spent a whole day yesterday thinking about matching my outfits when trying to pack. You know me! "Vainpot!", as Malaysians would call me! God definitely brought my mind and priority back to the matter of the heart and not just the appearance. Back to my Redeemer and Friend, not just the God I try to keep rituals with.
So my first real stop will be in Bognor Regis.. Good old Bognor! I will be visiting the pebbly beach I use to walk on every other day and reminisce the days when I first really met Him. 21 and young, vulnerable and verrrrry gullible. Innocent and totally guiless. I remember turning 21 and celebrating my birthday on that beach with the Lord. Now I will walk and talk with Him on the very same beach, 11 years later. It's almost like a second honeymoon!
ANd I actually own a camera now. So hopefully I will get to post as many pic as possible and come close to being a normal, updated 21st Cent person with all the Friendster and all going on in the world (especially in PBC!)
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Off with her hair!
This is me - 10 inches shorter. Not sure if I like it after all. But it took a lot of courage, mind you!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Nicolaephoria
I found my friend's blog today. Nicole.. I used to call her double-Yeng. Reading her blog makes me long for our old friendship again. But I am so far away and I feel that we have somewhat drifted apart. Just living very different lives, too much has happened in the meantime. I am on this little hill, studying music and the Word of God. I don't work amidst the secular and I feel very secluded from real life sometimes. I miss her loads. She seems to be doing great. Love the way she loves books. Love the way she's eccentric with her clothes pegs. Most of all, love the way she loves God and people. Well, this is to you Yeng.. Maybe if you visit my blog, I will write more instead of hiding in the blogsphere, huh!
Sunday, March 04, 2007
flotsam jetsam hopesome
i am spewing mad inside Lord. maybe, maybe, maybe.. not so, not so, not so... someday, someday..
i am so unsettled inside that I slam doors, stub my toes and am short with sweet people. I could kill if i am not careful. I am impatient, irritable. PMS in the highest order. Interestingly enough, if I am able to steer this explosive energy inside, I might just hit on a creative, spiritual truth for myself.
send them all away. bloody people. send them away!
save me.
So maybe our lives' aches are not necessarily the cause of the refiner's fire. Maybe like Hosea's life, our lives are like an allegory. The Bridegroom's relationship with His bethrothed needs a human picture. And those of us who have laid our lives down for him, or said we would, may have been picked to represent another facet of this intricate dance of the Eternal Lovers.
Maybe we wait and trudge on, not uphill but downhill. Not because of sin. But because of His leading. His voice pointed downwards, saying "to the valley dear one.." and not the triumphant upward climb we think victorious Christians are supposed to head towards. Victory is not always found on the sunny, hilltops of our life's journey.
So I wait, and renew my strength in His presence. (big sigh.....)
i am so unsettled inside that I slam doors, stub my toes and am short with sweet people. I could kill if i am not careful. I am impatient, irritable. PMS in the highest order. Interestingly enough, if I am able to steer this explosive energy inside, I might just hit on a creative, spiritual truth for myself.
send them all away. bloody people. send them away!
save me.
So maybe our lives' aches are not necessarily the cause of the refiner's fire. Maybe like Hosea's life, our lives are like an allegory. The Bridegroom's relationship with His bethrothed needs a human picture. And those of us who have laid our lives down for him, or said we would, may have been picked to represent another facet of this intricate dance of the Eternal Lovers.
Maybe we wait and trudge on, not uphill but downhill. Not because of sin. But because of His leading. His voice pointed downwards, saying "to the valley dear one.." and not the triumphant upward climb we think victorious Christians are supposed to head towards. Victory is not always found on the sunny, hilltops of our life's journey.
So I wait, and renew my strength in His presence. (big sigh.....)
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