like a knife to the slaughter

Vino... I now thoroughly know what it feels like to be a knife to the slaughter - I had to slay the lamb! I had to do what is right even though I am guilt-ridden, utterly so. However, I feel that if I had not been honest with my dear friend, he might mistake my friendliness for something more and in the event, cause more pain than necessary. But I think God has someone else for him anyway. And considering my records, every guy I have been honest about how I just consider them a treasured friend and no more; have gotten married in a year. So, he'll be fine, I'm sure. I am now just recovering from the evening. Feels like every time I do this, my heart dies a little. I lose could-be-good friends, and a bit of my hope for the future. I am tired of doing this Vino.. But until the Lord allows me to go on with a relationship I can't go forward. How do you explain to them that you are only following the Lover of your soul as best as you can and that it has nothing to do with them? Lordie... the day you bring the one You have chosen, please help him hear from you clearly. I probably don't ever have the strength or the courage to open my heart, Lordie... Vino, the guy would have to have persistence and patience like Hosea, I tell you!!! Vino, God bless you dearie... Miss you so much. Wish you were here. But you're on your way to Malaysia by now. Love you lots..